I'm feeling well physically since i finally started to exercise (this week was spring break for me, so i had lots of free time), however I am now stressed since my spring break is coming to an end, yet I barely started all my schoolwork and extracurricular work. So mentally, im feeling unwell. However, this is all my fault, and i have procrastinated once again. well whatever, i deserve a good spring break, right? this break was quite replenishing, i feel renewed since i was able to sleep in everyday until noon (apparently some teens are able to sleep until the afternoon, so noon is already quite modest, ok??), got to meet up with friends once, and spent lots of alone time, and as previously mentioned, i finally got off my lazy butt and exercised!! hopefully i'll have the determination and persistence to continue exercising during school, since i'll be much busier.
i hope you're treating yourself correctly, and if not for your own benefit, for that of those that love you.
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Although it's been almost a month since I last posted, I am okay, and still planning on continuing this blog. So for whoever it is that visited my page like 20 times, don't worry ;) (yes, i see the stats of visitors to my lonely site).
I love my mom so much. She has done so much for me, and everything that i've done for her is literally negligible in comparison. In fact, there can't even BE a comparison, she's just sacrificed so much, and gave so much of herself just to make me happy and give me the best life I can have. But i guess this is true for most parents, so i shouldn't beat myself up about it. But i just can't help but feel sad or guilty whenever i think about all the sacrifices and love and money and time she devoted to me. Like, even when strangers hold the door open for me, or some other kind gesture I feel like I've taken advantage of them, and here's a lovely woman who has basically devoted her life to make mine the best it can be. Although you may think this is an exaggeration (or not), I can assure you that it is not. My mother is the most loving mother in the entire universe. Even when i was a baby she would randomly get paranoid overnight and wake up to check if i was still breathing (and yes, i would be silently sleeping in my little crib), and when i was like 2 and had to be left with my grandparents, she cried almost every night over the fact that she was not with me. This woman loves me more than anyone can possibly love someone, and to think that there were times where I intentionally provoked her, or was disobedient, or even made her cry just kills me. My mom says multiple times how my life is her life, and even if she doesn't say so explicitly i would be able to decipher such message based on her actions. It pains her to see me in pain, it stresses her to see me in stress, and it kills her to see me beating myself up over my mistakes or failures. I wish I can constantly treat myself better just so she can be at peace, as my life is truly hers. That is why it is my goal to make myself happy, so she can be too. This may sound dumb, but regardless it would be a win-win situation. If i am happy, i am happy, and if i am happy, she will be too. how will i ever find someone who can even love me half as much as my mom loves me? I think i'd rather spend my whole life with her, but i also want to have a family of my own. How do people do this whole dating thing? I think i have trust issues, im not sure, it's just how in the freaking world will i ever find someone who can even compare to the unconditional love that i am spoiled with from my mom? |
About the AuthorHello, I am a ditzy teen trying to express herself by writing. My real name is not Annabelle, and all names in writings are changed. Archives
November 2019
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